Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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