I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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