just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
