I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
