so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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