Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
