So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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