Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
