it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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