...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
