Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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