thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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