Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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