I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
