I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
