My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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