do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
