You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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