he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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