I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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