So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
