but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
