i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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