Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
