I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
