I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
my poor anus
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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