In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
