I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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