She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
