he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
