Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
