i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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