you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
