Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
