My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
