i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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