Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
