It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
