where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
