I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
