oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
