i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
