Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
