So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
