I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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