Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
