why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
