Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
