she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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