every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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