Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
