i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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