Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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