If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
