who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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